I belong to a secret society of art museum administrators.
Yes, really.
We’re like the Masons with an initiation ceremony (“Leap of Faith” or “Tunnel of Death”) and coded phrases that we ask complete strangers in an attempt to verify their allegiance. So, the next time someone asks you what rule base you use for the spendable objective on your endowment, respond with something like “4.75% of a 40-month rolling average using end of month values and calculated at June 30th for the following fiscal year starting January 1.”
You’ll be In Like Flynn and have access to more financial spreadsheets and statistics than you can shake a stick at.
What’s this got to do with toilet humour? Well, we share things – spreadsheets and statistics mostly, but occasionally there’s a reason for enduring the leap of faith. Case in point is the following genuine, official damage report to a sculpture at an unnamed art museum. The sculpture is of a stylised man complete with what I will euphemistically refer to as his “Tummy Banana”. To prevent hordes of sex-seeking internet surfers decending on Musematic from Google, I have replaced the medical term for “Tummy Banana” with “USB Drive”.
Damage Report:
On (date) I (security guard) was advised by (supervisor) to go to (location) for a possible art damage report for the (stylised man) statue. (Security guard) had been advised by (other security guard) that the statue may have had its USB Drive removed. I (security guard) dispatched (other security guard) to the location to secure the area. When I arrived (other security guard) advised me that he did not see who had removed the USB Drive but that he had found the USB Drive on the base of the statue. I picked up the USB Drive with a gloved hand and placed it in a ziplock bag. (Security manager) was advised and he contacted operations and conservation. I took the USB Drive and placed the USB Drive on the head curator’s desk per instructions.
Conservation Comment:
Even though the USB Drive was completely removed from the sculpture, there is no damage to the surface of the USB Drive or the sculpture. There was some adhesive left on the sculpture and on the USB Drive from the past repair which failed. The threading is still functional. The USB Drive will be reattached to the sculpture using a stronger adhesive.
Had to share…
